i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize