And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
