Swine flu. Run for my life!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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