he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
