you're like a bully in the Christmas story
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
