there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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