If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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