just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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