I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
NoShamevember. You game?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
