I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
