Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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