Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I supernannyed him into submission
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
