sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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