Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
