Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
