There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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