That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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