if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're too hungover to prance.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
