I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just pee around me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
