I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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