Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
