Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Everything about him screamed your future.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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