I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I won the penis lottery.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hippo gnu deer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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