just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sorry about my life...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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