My friends, they love my intelligence
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
