dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize