When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
