forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
