That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
