I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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