WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize