I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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