i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
