Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
