it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
