There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
