Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
