He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
