I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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