we're chasing vodka with high fives
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
