is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
