I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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