But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
