Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
