it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
