wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
