Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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