getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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