if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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