My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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