There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
