shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
