just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
