I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
