I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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