Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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