Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
