Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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