It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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