I can tuck mytits in my pants
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
