I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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