How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
