I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
