At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
