the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
