i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
where are my eyebrows?
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