he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
