I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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