Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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