he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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