Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
