hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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