How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You are a genius and a whore.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
