the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
