this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
