He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
