Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
