i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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