wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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