That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
