i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
